Respond in Kind

Communication 101
We are talking about communication. We have reached the “final” step in good communication.

We have opened our minds, hearts and senses  to really observe the person speaking with us. We have helped them finish their story, and asked questions for clarification.

Now, we breathe and respond.

Breathe first.

The breath gives us time to focus. It also gives us a chance to relax any physical tension we may have built up in the telling of the tale.

In the beginning of our response we demonstrate our focus by repeating the important or salient points of the story. We hope to show them that we have paid attention, that they matter and that we care. This also gives the speaker a final opportunity to make any corrections.

Once we are certain we have the story correct, we can cogitate and ruminate for a bit; and give an appropriate and suitable answer.

Communication is a dance, and a slow one at that. In our faced-paced world, no one has time to listen. And, in fact many of us have forgotten how to listen to other people.

These are really simple skills. As the saying goes, “this is not rocket science.” But, like everything else that we wish to do well in or be good at, if we do not practice, or we do not exercise, we lose all of our good graces, manners, and the appearance of having common sense and decency.

Good communications drill

1. Listen. All senses focused.
2. Engage them with words to them help finish their story.
3. Ask questions to clarify.
4. Respond. 

Going forward

My suggestion is that you make the time or take the time to make the time, take the time. Practice with someone when it’s not a critical conversation. Practice at a time when the stakes aren’t high, and its okay if you mess up. You don’t even have to tell the other person that you are practicing, just put your phone down when you are with them. Give them your full face and your full attention.

Then perhaps, you will be ready when the conversation is crucially important.

 

Related posts

Listen with all senses 

Use words

Clarify

photo credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/ginable/325235488/sizes/z/in/photostream/

Seek Clarity

Fully alert

We have demonstrated that we can be fully engaged with another person. We are totally attentive to what is being said to us. We are checking out their body language, and paying attention to any messages we don’t mean to send.

Fully engaged

We have helped them get to the end of the story they wanted to tell. This is vitally important. We are an impatient and easily distracted breed, and we want to hurry things along. We push people in the direction we want them to move. We fill in the words before they can say them. We crowd out their sentences and make a story we want to hear and address. Or we turn it into a story that we want to use to feed some of our corrective action into their lives.

Clarify

We have opened ourselves and we have listened. Now we have reached a point where we can ask questions for clarification and understanding. But, we need to remember to stay within the bounds of their story, and not stray into the realm of our judgments.

This is not the time to bring up historical (or hysterical) arguments, past indiscretions, previous hurts or to point fingers. This is also not the time to broach the things you want to fix in them or in their lives.

The questions are to bring clarity to us. To make clear what they want and need to discuss. The questions are to help us comprehend the underpinnings of what’s truly going on. What are they really talking about?

Most importantly, the inquiry is to be sure that we are both in the same story and on the same page!

And finally, we ask to show that we are human. We are alert, available, and have listened and now we have full grasp of the situation or topic.

What would you add to these first three steps?

Related posts

Just Look

Use Your Words

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jason-samfield/5096064815/sizes/m/in/photostream/