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Monday, February 13, 2012

Torn Underwear

New Year's Resolutions

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, and I haven’t for a very, very long time. But this year, I thought I’d try “3 words.”
The 3 words are designed to frame the year and help me remember a few of the things I’d like to work on changing over the course of the next 12 months. And, at some future post, I will share the others.

It is funny how things that people say to you years before return to your mind unbidden and take up residence until you can find a new “home”for them. My mother was “old” when I came along, so many of the phrases and colloquialisms that I take for granted probably date back to slavery. My mother's grandfather was a freed slave, and my grandmother lived with us until her death. But I digress…

Underwear and Friendship

One of her phrases was that, “You done tore your drawers now.” And the best that my young mind could sort out, it meant that “you have totally screwed up now…and you probably can’t recover.” I was never certain how misaligned, neglected or disabused undergarments were involved, but…

One of my three words for this year is “boundaries.”This involves my learning what my true boundaries are, and learning to respect them myself, while expecting others to offer the same respect. Decide which things are negotiable and which are not. All of this searching is an attempt to understand myself more fully and continue to become better person.

We all have friends of different “levels” or “caliber”.They can be divided into their groups by their integrity, closeness, value, common interests, new hobbies, etc. All of our friends do not function in the same ways in all aspects of our lives.

Earlier this year I was in a situation that, as it unfolded, it became increasingly clear that my life, time, priorities, duties, responsibilities, etc. had very little value in this particular relationship. The other person perceived that their needs and wants evidently superseded mine. We got through it all, but barely.

And it feels like we won’t be able to go back. “The drawers have been torn!”

Forgiveness and Moving Forward

We must forgive or we build our own prison of bitterness and freeze our own hearts.

The forgiveness for this issue has been set and is in place.

But, the boundary has been shattered.

The trust has been trampled underfoot.

The love has been lost.

Yes, it does hurt when we have to push our friends back beyond that imaginary fence-line that protects our hearts, minds and spirits.

We practice daily to reach that state that we can forgive all, as Christ has tried to teach us- but I don’t think He ever meant for us to be doormats.

We forgive so that we can move forward with the capacity to love and be open again.

Look at stuff going on in your own life, and with your friends.

Talk to me…

What do you think?

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Bkangel said...

I totally agree that friends are on different levels and categories. I also think that as time passes, we tend to forget the hurt/disillusionment and depending on the level/category of friendship, can forgive/forget the level of hurt & get back to where or close enough to the initial level of love for each other. I have been in similar situation with a very close friend, who was then and is now like a sister, even though we were not in contact for several years. It helps to have a forgiving heart & to remember that we all make mistakes.

Martina said...

Well said. And, I absolutely agree. Our hearsts must remain forgiving of our friends and ourselves. Who knows what lies in the future for any of us?